I adore fairy tales, but I especially love a good princess story. When I was six years old, my daddy gave me this great big Cinderella picture book and I spent a lot of time staring at the beautiful illustrations. I pored over the pages of rich artwork so often that the spine of the book began to break and the pages started falling out. Much to my relief, my mom fixed it with masking tape.

The story of Cinderella resonated deeply within me as a child. It revealed a powerful message that has stayed with me for many years. Having a nurturing, kind, servant’s heart isn’t always appreciated by those around us. In fact, it will often be taken for granted and at times be taken advantage of.

Cinderella could have talked back to her step-mother. She could have been snippy to her terrible step-sisters. But instead, she chose to turn the other cheek, to be kind, generous and loving. Just as Jesus calls us to do and be.

As an adult, I’ve learned about the importance of healthy boundaries and what healthy relationships look and feel like. I now know that for Cinderella, if a higher power hadn’t stepped in to change the course of the story the night of the ball, she would have needed the courage to speak out and express that she will no longer tolerate such poor treatment. If they had ignored or ridiculed her, it would have been time for her to walk away from her home and her step-family.

If she had stayed and endured the abuse, it would have broken her beyond repair. She never would have become the woman that she was destined to be.

As we walk through difficulties in life, it’s hard to keep a right attitude, to stay positive and to hold on to hope. So it’s important to have relationships in our inner circle with people who are empathetic, reliable, emotionally stable and kind.

No relationship is perfect. Both sides have to be willing to do the work of keeping a relationship healthy. If you find yourself constantly being the one to flex and accommodate the other person while they are not making efforts to change then you may need to take drastic action. If you have exhausted all your efforts and attempts at resolution, then the next best thing to do is to let them go.

It is essential to establish healthy boundaries to protect ourselves and sometimes that means walking away from a situation or person. That’s okay. If someone is consistently keeping you from fulfilling the calling on your life and your God-given destiny, it’s time to release them. Step into the unknown and allow God to lead you into a new story.

Red flags to be aware of in an unhealthy relationship:

• They use their words like swords to cut you deeply, to make themselves feel better.
• There is a lack of trust.
• Their words, actions and behaviors cause you to feel insecure and/or confused.
• They are controlling.
• There is an inability to resolve past issues.
• There is a lack of healthy communication. (Can you share the depths of your heart safely?)
• They have a sense of entitlement, that their needs come first.
• They easily get offended or defensive.
• The relationship is based on the need to feel needed or wanted.
• They repeatedly bring up your past mistakes to shame or guilt you.
• You feel you have to stay in the relationship because you are ‘supposed to’ due to religious or moral obligation.
• They create a toxic environment.
• They display abusive behavior – whether mild or excessive, if it is verbal, emotional, psychological, or physical.
• You have to pretend to be someone else.

Walking away may not be the ‘happily ever after’ we had hoped for. Things may not turn out the way you thought they were supposed to, or the way you prayed for them to with child-like expectancy. In fact, you may be left wondering why God didn’t provide the miracle that you had mountains of faith for. It doesn’t always make sense. But I do know staying will often enable the other person to continue with their poor behavior and you will get sucked into their behavioral cycles, leaving you lost, confused, weary and broken.

But what if you’re worried about what will happen to them when you leave? Often, it’s a huge wake up call for them to face reality, and it will allow for growth that otherwise wouldn’t have happened. In essence, you are helping them by no longer enabling or tolerating their poor behavior and they can focus on getting professional help for themselves individually.

I also know that after leaving, God will use your story to strengthen others and encourage them to be brave enough to get out of an unhealthy relationship, so they can then walk in the fullness of all that He has called them to do and be.

Cinderella eventually marries the handsome prince, which brought resolution to her painful situation. While we don’t know what kind of marriage they had, the story ends with, “They lived happily ever after”, which tells me they had a healthy relationship with an intricate connection that brought about much joy, fulfillment, and deep gratitude for each other.

Marks of a healthy relationship:

• Mutual respect
• Honesty
• Kindness
• Trust
• Support
• Fairness/equality
• Separate identities
• Encouragement
• Good, healthy communication
• Feeling a deep sense of peace
• Affection
• Willingness to be vulnerable
• A sense of playfulness and fondness for each other
• Approachable and receptive to feedback without being overly sensitive to certain topics
• Understanding of and anticipating each others needs
• Laughter

Those are the kind of relationships that cause us to be the best versions of ourselves. You’ll desire to protect the relationship and nurture it. It causes both sides to want to grow together, care for each other, and spend time with each other. You truly value each other and want to express it daily.

If you are in the midst of pouring yourself into an unhealthy relationship, still trying to make it work, stumbling through the pain, and professional counseling hasn’t produced the needed changes, there is Someone who notices and who will respond with volumes of love. It may not be the prince in white shining armor. It may not be the hero swooping in to rescue you at the last moment. But it will always be your Heavenly Father.

He hears you, He knows you deeply and He feels your pain. He knows the injustices and the heartaches. When you call out to Him, He will reach down and wrap you with His comforting presence and peace. He will gently wipe away the tears and say, “Good things are coming. Just wait ’til you see what I have in store for you, beloved.” And He will give you the courage to rise up in boldness and to take a leap of faith into the unknown, so that you can finally experience your much deserved and long-awaited “Happily Ever After”.